OK One to end the weekend...

[[JiF]major confusion]

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, can you tell me how to get to ‘1603 Mockingbird Lane’?.
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.

[Gnome-father]

[[JiF]DaftGeordie]

Paddy's walking by the river bank when he see's a group of people up ahead, and two of them are standing in the river.
When he gets closer he asks "what are you doing?"
"We're Christians my son and we are finding Jesus,would you like to join us?" The priest says
Paddy agrees walks into the water and the priest puts his hand on his head and pushes him under the water.
When he surfaces the priest asks "have you found Jesus my son?"
"No" Paddy says, so the priest pushes him under again
When he comes up the priest says again "have you found Jesus?"
"No replies Paddy!"
Once again the priest pushes him under
As he comes to the surface again the priest asks
"Have you found Jesus?"
"No!" Paddy says
"are you sure this is were he F##king fell in!!!!"

[[JiF]Top321us]

Okay - So here is a blonde joke to start the week off with.

A blonde just started at the univeristy and needed money. She decides she will walk around town and see if she could find odd jobs to do.

At one house the guy felt sorry for her and told her to come back the next day, that she could paint his porch for him.

The next day she shows up, he gives her the paint and brush and goes back into the house. After about an hour she knocks on the door and tells him she is done. She looks at him with that confused blonde look and asks him, you do realize that your car is a BMW not a Porsche right?

[[JiF]Pvt. Harrick]

Two blondes happily walk into a toy store. They place a puzzle on the table and say that they would like to return it. The clerk asks why and they reply they finished it in 6 days even though the box said 6+ years